Do Not Pet: A Bernese Mountain Dog’s Journey To Overcoming Stranger Danger
When Kevin was a puppy, we made sure to do “all the things” we were told to do. We introduced him to new people, new sounds, and new sights. We did this so he would grow up and have more confidence as he aged.
We would go to Home Depot and ride around in the shopping cart. I gave him tons of treats and the employees and customers gave him lots of love as we were strolling around.
He would even get to come to work and greet coworkers as they would start their workday. He would go from person to person for a quick head scratch and booty rub.
Kevin also made a couple of visits to an assisted care facility and a church youth group.
And he LOVED it…at first.
But slowly, things started to change.
It all started to change when he met a man that had a REALLY low voice. It made him nervous and he refused to go up to him.
Kevin also started being fearful of people wearing hard hats - the man with the low voice was wearing one.
Later we noticed he would get nervous around some women, and later on, my mom noticed a pattern. They all had cats. Maybe he had a fear of that unknown smell?
When he saw a cat for the first time at a pet store, the cat was perched on one of the display shelves. Kevin would NOT go anywhere near him.
Yep, he was definitely afraid of cats.
We tried to work through it together. It was so confusing with all the information we would get.
“Your parents are the trigger”
“He’s being too coddled”
“He needs to hang out with a confident dog to learn what to do”
“He needs discipline and structure”
“He needs to be put on medication”
We felt so overwhelmed and confused. At times we felt defeated and other times we felt that our parenting was entirely to blame. We tried what we could, but knew we needed to seek the help from a professional. We hired a trainer who would work with Kevin at the house. We received some new tools to work through it.
We started by purchasing this Do Not Pet harness because let’s face it, everyone wants to bet a Bernese Mountain Dog. Having strangers approach and try to touch Kevin would increase his stress and anxiety. We felt bad always having to explain why Kevin couldn’t be pet, so we got this harness for when we are training.
With all the training, we started to see progress (VERY slow but still progress).
But then…
COVID happened and the entire world shut down. All the opportunities for Kevin to be introduced to new people, new sounds, and new places were gone. And with the addition of masks, new fears popped up.
We are committed to working through my fears in 2022, even though it sometimes feels like we are starting back at square one. We are setting ourselves up for success. We have reached out to local businesses and asked for their support. To allow us to use their storefront to train. It takes a village!
How To Help Dogs In Training
Always ask it is okay to pet them. If you do pet them, try to go low on the chest instead of the top of the head. For Kevin, reaching for the top of his head if he doesn’t know you is super intimidating.
Be aware of your eye contact. Another trigger for anxious dogs is when people stare at them for too long. It can be a sign of dominance.
Please know that if a dog is nervous or doesn’t want you to pet them, don’t take it personally. We have had people get offended or feel bad when Kevin backs away from them. Just know, “it’s not you, it’s him”.
Allow the dog to make the choice to come up to you. It’s okay to put your hand out and see if they come to you. But please don’t approach without the consent of the owner. Can you imagine if someone came into your bubble? You might be a little anxious too.
Just because dogs are fearful or nervous does not mean they have been abused. It’s common for dogs to go through “fear periods” as they are developing. What didn’t bother the dog one day, may cause unexpected anxiety the next.
And more on that last tip. Unfortunately, when I get nervous or fearful, people ask if Kevin was a rescue. I guess people assume that if he’s anxious, he must have had a bad owner or been abused as a puppy. My parents got me at 8 weeks old and they are the best!
With that, even the best-intentioned dog mom or dad can be increasing the problem instead of correcting it unknowingly. That is why we are learning from expert trainers and behaviorists. And a secret, trainers are more willing to train the pet parents than to train the dog. It helps them learn how to communicate with their dog better, read my body language and advocate for them out in the world.
We are also learning from different resources that this is normal. Just like humans, dogs can develop anxiety and fears with even the best upbringing. And Berners, I guess it’s even more common than we knew: genetics can play a role.
What Is Our Plan Now?
Kevin is now enrolled in a nose work class to help me with my confidence, and we are practicing some new positive training techniques with our trainer. We are also seeking the help of a behaviorist to further identify where some of Kevin’s anxiety may be coming from, and tools that we can use to help us work through it.
Thankfully, we believe in Kevin. We want to do what’s best for him and do everything to help him become the happiest dog he can be. While Kevin may never be the certified therapy dog we had anticipated, Kevin can still make people smile when they pass him on the street, sit next to him at a restaurant, or visit my Instagram page.
We will be sharing what is working and what is not, in hopes if your furry friend is nervous around new situations, just like Kevin, this can help them too.
